Be Ever So Tender

I downed a bottle of whiskey last night
I could take your indifference no more
I’ve been hurting, hurting for a while now
When it rains in the heart, it really does pour

A bottle of crushed hopes sits on my bedside table
In my pillow, some mangled dreams from the past
Be tender to me, I so wanted to tell you
But you see only my scales, not my scars

I try and shout, all I can manage is a whisper
Is that your coldness strangling my neck?
Be ever so tender to me, my eyes are pleading
Kill me quick if you must, ‘fore the last of me breaks.

© Nandita Manan Yata. February 2019.

Image credit: Top Images
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Signs

The first sign arrived
when I returned the ring
(you had given to me one day
when you made me yours)
I should have known then
we were not meant to be

The next time my heart broke
I gave you back the black beads
you had adorned my bare neck with
(I had sighed at the silent vow
you had mouthed
Or was it just my imagination?
I had whispered
“7 lifetimes
and a hundred children”
a thousand times over in my head
in those few moments)

Remembering you
tearing down my clothes
I’m tearing up inside.
I wanted to believe
It was my heart
You had made love to

I watched you
break my heart over and over
while kissing my mouth
and muttering you love me

Too many signs came and went
whilst I ignored all
All in the name of love
because everytime I looked at you
I found myself unable to stop
Until one night
I stopped looking at you
It was the night when
you stopped wishing me
“Goodnight Love.”

© Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

Impulse

And so happiness leaves
just as soon as it comes
mocking your naivety
jeering at your stupidity

It’s an impulse
much like your hasty decisions taken
in a fit of anger
much like your promises made
in a moment of passion

Happiness is an impulse
driven by sadness
that wants to give you some
to take away a lot.

©Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

The Golden Cage


As much as I understand you
I have no wish to be a secret
written in your most beautiful hand
and saved in your fine leather-bound journal
locked inside your grand oak desk drawer
that nobody will ever get to read.

I do not want
you to be the light of my dark
and then watch you vanish
at the first sight of dawn –
I am too bold
to be the sunset
and you, too tied (up and down)
to make me your sunrise
The horizon is
not a place I dream of.

Whisper not my name
to the deaf leaves
that will, at the most,
tremble a little
under pressure
without any knowledge
of the essence that lies
in your breath.
Speak out my name
to the clement breeze
Roar my name
to the hurricane
let the wind carry your love
from your ink-stained pages
through the corridors of the Universe
until I’m no longer
a secret resting in
your fine leather bound journal
that no one even knows exists.

A cage, even if golden,
is still a cage
And the secret you house
in your heart
is the cage I guard
in mine.

©Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

To Friends Who’ve Never Met – A mirrored Etheree

‘Tis
strange how
sometimes you
get so much more
from strangers than those
you’ve heaped your love upon
makes me believe there are no
strangers here, just friends with common
tales of broken hearts and iron wills
to live, to dream, to share the pain through art.
These are friends you’ve never met, yet touched you
in ways more profound than the touch of
those hands that grazed your trembling heart
These friends have read through your lines
deciphered your silence
better than your words
and understood
the need to
nurture
both.

© Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

On Reflection and Perspective – A poem by Forrest Pasky

The following is a profound poem that was written for me by my friend, Forrest (from the blog Writen in Blue Mercury) who can read the hidden tones in my unspoken melancholy. Thank you Forrest. Your friendship means a lot to me, as do your little big gestures of kindness and empathy that touch me greatly.

sometimes
like stars in a rambling sky
your thoughts are light
scattered light
circling the world
circling the universe
until they meet
and merge
it is at these times
these rare times
that all our thoughts
align and we see
that things like
life and time
have order

Changes

How can a flower so beautiful until yesterday
look so ugly today
Blessings that you counted on your fingers
become miseries too painful to bear
Eyes see so differently
the same view that gave
your heart so much joy
Does the view change or do the eyes?

From selflessness to selfishness –
One moment of ego
To a lifetime of regrets

© Nandita Manan Yata. 2018.

Of Vulnerabilities and Defences

I thought I could be vulnerable with you.

There was this weakness inside of you
Not quite like mine
But weakness nevertheless.
I felt an affinity with that.
No! opposites do not attract
No matter what they’ve been telling us.
Maybe it happens only in science
But we are not just physical bodies
We are so much more than just atoms
We are our tears,
our dreams,
our hopes
We are our stories
And all I want to do
is find a story to write with you
where our vulnerabilities
do not have to make excuses,
where we can just let them be
to converse with each other
and find a way on their own
out of the darkness
without us
bearing defences too stoic
for them to fight

I do not want you to build
false defences of your own
just because you cannot handle my vulnerabilities

©Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

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