With a Pinch of Salt

I come back to my lonely apartment
in a city that still has not been able to befriend me.
Faces pass me by, faces that look through me like I don’t exist
The man in the apartment above mine is a grumpy old man and the lady next door is agonizingly dull.
But the two of them seem to enjoy each other’s company,
I see them taking walks together in the drab garden in the evenings.
They sit down on the bench and chat with each other, occasionally throwing dirty looks at me.
I open my mouth to say something but I decide against it for I know people understand only what they want to understand.
So I just shrug and draw the shades over the blue window of my lonely apartment in this city that is still a stranger to me.
all the while sipping on a glass of lemonade with a pinch of salt.

©Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

Relearning

I am relearning to put my life in order
To laugh till my stomach hurts
Smile more often
And sometimes for no reason

I am learning from my mistakes
that the past was not my fault
and the future is not for me to decide
All I can and must do is be happy now

I am unlearning
to love with a purpose
Learning that love has no reason
neither a correct or incorrect way
I cannot say why i love you
Just as I cannot ask you to love me in a certain way
Love has no way
It is not a mechanism
It is the essence of all things beautiful.

And so
I am unlearning
to look for perfection,
learning to
to understand that
I am enough the way I am
and so are you
and relearning
to be content with this knowledge.

©Nandita Manan Yata. 2019.

Pregnant

I am pregnant
with dreams,
with hopes of new beginnings
I’m pregnant
with happiness that has a name,
a face with eyes
the colour of sunlit dreams
I’m pregnant with smiles
of all shapes and sizes
I’m pregnant with aspirations
spilling out of my bosom
taking the shape of these words
to dissipate into the ether
where the larger stories
have long been scripted
destinies forged

Paths crossed at one point
to twine into a boulevard
of sunrises and sunsets
that merged at twilight

Did you have any idea
when you impregnated me with your love
I was already pregnant with your dreams?

© Nandita Manan Yata.

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